The Clone Wars Review: Pursuit of Peace

Su cuy'gar, everyone! I bet you're wondering why I haven't gotten to Pursuit of Peace until weeks after its debut. Well, I have a very good reason. Aliens from a galaxy known as Southern Maine Community College took out my brains and replaced it with DOS code and algebraic formulas and made me take some tests. I was too smart for 'em, though!

However, the real, non-copout excuse reason is that I've been watching Megas XLR. ALRIGHT?! YOU CAUGHT ME, I'VE BEEN WATCHING BETTER SHOWS THAN THE CLONE WARS. And why shouldn't I? It's one of the best original shows to come out of Cartoon Network, especially compared to today's nonsense like Chowder and those stupid non-cartoon shows on CN these days like Tower Prep or whatever the hell it's called. Dude, if your show's on Cartoon Network and it's not a cartoon, WE HAVE A PROBLEM. Ah, I miss the days when Cartoon Network was awesome, and we had Ed, Edd & Eddy, Megas XLR, and Dexter's Lab running rampant with our brains...

But enough ranting like some retroderp. Back to the subject at hand.

I don't even know about continuity with this show anymore, what with Farr being alive in the season after he was murdered, or why the show is allowed to be this boring. There should be a law that has a specific limit on how many episodes centered around Padme and/or diplomacy per season, that limit being three or four at max. Granted, placed well in a season, these shows can be a good change of pace to show the other side of the war, the diplomatic side, showing the fall of the Republic from the outside and from within. But when we have an ENTIRE HALF SEASON dedicated to it, WE DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH THIS WAR IS COSTING, OR HOW IT'S TAKING A TOLL ON THE CITIZENS OF THE REPUBLIC. I just wanna see Rex kick some clanker shebs, ALRIGHT?! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!

Sorry, this show's wearing on my patience, and this episode really makes me not give an osik about Padme or any of the Senators. I just wanna punch them and go watch clone troopers fight. Which I doubt the creators wanted, but hey. Whatever. This is what I have to review, and I AM GOING TO FINISH THIS REVIEW IF IT KILLS ME.

Now allow me to continue SHOUTING AT RANDOM. Which I will probably do a lot throughout this review.


If he could be turned... he would make a powerful SPOILERS!

So, once again, Tom Kane recaps the previous episode, telling us how the banks have now been deregulated, and the Republic will be getting more troops, escalating the fighting which we have yet to actually see any of. We cut to the Senate where everything is pretty much out of control, as the members of the Senate are all high-strung about the attack on Coruscant (Which appears to have done absolutely nothing since power's back everywhere) and about the clone bill and the costs and the *THUNK* Zzzzzzz.

Seriously? I'm as angry as anyone in the Senate, but because I don't care about what's going on. We've heard this a thousand times before, why is it suddenly supposed to be interesting? I don't want to see the Senate paying for clone troopers, I WANNA SEE THE SHABLA CLONE TROOPERS.

I do find it amusing, however, when some of the Senators call Padme a traitor. Pay close attention in that scene. Some of the Senators yelling at Padme will later be seen speaking with her about ending the war in the deleted (but still canon) scene from Revenge of the Sith, concerning the Delegation of the Two Thousand, a movement to open peace talks with the Separatists. HA HA HA man these guys writing this show aren't even paying attention.

So we learn that Mina Bonteri is now dead, and Republic intel notes involvement by Dooku's thugs. Bail Organa and Padme talk about defeating the bill, and Bail talks about how, to do it, he'll need "Ammunition".
"We can't afford ammunition, remember?"

*cue collective groan*

Padme and Farr head to the Banking Clan to discuss interest rates. Turns out they'll be asking for a 25 percent rate, but the real problem with all of this is I don't care. At all. How is this supposed to be entertaining for kids? Interest rates? Banking deregulation? WHO CARES?! JUST GET TO THE FRIGGIN' ACTION ALREADY!

Blah blah blah, Banking Clan is evil, Dooku is powerful, skip this scene. Bail and Padme talk about the bill, and- Y'know what? Whenever the topic is politics, I'm just gonna do this- LOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICS

So the two talk about LOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICS, and we cut to the next scene where Farr is going... somewhere, and is jumped by a Selkath and that weirdo Duck Tales reject from Season 2. Okay yeah, that Selkath being there is pretty awesome. So we cut to Padme talking to some Senators, talking about LOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICS,
and Farr tells Padme about the thugs. Cut to a Coruscanti cantina where WHOABOY, is that Twi'lek poledancing? Sans clothes?

Y'know, for kids!

So Dooku orders the two to off Amidala when we cut to Bail and Amidala LOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICS
and Padme convinces Bail to speak out against the bill.

Y'know, I can't remember exactly when, but when my friend Screech and I were watching this, we ended up getting into a discussion about how if  Padme and Bail weren't married to other people (thus making Padme a gratuitous plot point for Episode III), the two would have made a perfect couple, then we got into how an affair between the two would have made for a really amusing plot point for this show. We weren't even paying attention to the show at this point.

So Padme and Farr are dropped off at a Quarren's residence, where said Quarren appears to keep the Wisps from Sonic Colors as pets in a fishtank. (Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?) They talk about how the clones are/aren't people, and more about LOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICS
Farr and Padme part and Padme leaves to roam the streets alone like a FREAKING IDIOT, considering she's being TARGETED BY DOOKU'S THUGS. The Selkath and the duck fish dude get the jump on Padme, natch. Two droids attempt to apprehend the pair, but they get shot down.

See, if the Coruscant Guard were here doing their jobs, this wouldn't be happening. Padme's an idiot.

So when Padme doesn't see her driver she hijacks a speeder bike and we get a somewhat creative but mostly boring speeder chase through Coruscant. In lieu of trying to explain this scene, I'm going to stop paying attention to the episode and watch this instead.



So Padme is caught by the CSF. Later, Padme is being attended to by one of her aides, and Padme eventually asks about how the war is getting worse for her family. The next morning in the hangar, the two thugs try to off Bail, but end up failing again. Bail is taken out temporarily, and it falls on Padme's shoulders to give the speech. But OHNOES, PADME SUDDENLY DOES NOT HAVE CONFIDENCE ANYMORE. Padme's aide then gives her a boost of confidence in the form of her headdress that looks like her hair (WAIT A SECOND, I thought that WAS her hair in the headdress, now it's a hat wig thing?!) Anyway, we cut to the Senate where Padme gives a rousing speech, but all I hear is LOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICS
 I don't care.

I don't care.

I watch this show to see clone troopers fight valiantly to save the Republic, not LOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICSLOLMONEYLOLSENATELOLPOLITICS.

Nobody cares. Does anybody care? Probably not, because this is NOT INTERESTING. Yes, your Senate set is very pretty, Filoni. We're sick of looking at it, can we PLEASE go to new worlds and see war now? Thank you.

Anyway, after the speech, we get the only real payoff this craptastic half-season has led up to. We cut to Chancellor Palpatine's office, where Palpatine is actually acting evil. This is actually somewhat remarkable, since we really haven't seen a whole lot of this in this show- Sure, we've seen little shades of Sidious and we've seen him in his robes on hologram, but have we ever seen him really acting evil in office? Not so much. Him and Mas talk about how they need to let the wheels of democracy turn, and then, on that note, we end the episode HOLD ON A SECOND THERE. NO, DON'T ROLL THE CREDITS, DON'T SLAP ME WITH THE THEME SONG, I WANTED TO SEE MORE OF THAT! I WANTED TO SEE MORE EVIL PALPATINE!! WHAT THE HELL?!

*sigh* I am SO sick of this drudgery. You, sitting there in your comfy computer chairs, probably think I have a blast watching Star Wars and making fun of it, and... you're probably right. Making fun of it is amusing. But this kind of episode, this kind of boring drudgery, seeing the magic and the fun just sapped out of something I've held dear since my childhood... It pains me, dear reader, it hurts to watch Star Wars fall so far that it's turned into such a terrible show. However, the next half of Season 3 holds promise, with Savage Opress, the Nightsisters, Republic Commandos, and Ahsoka turning to the Dark Side. The Clone Wars won't be returning until next year, let's hope the break does some good in getting the show some better writers. However, I won't bid farewell, as I have plans- I'll either probably end up doing another MSOSW segment or review the first story arc of Transformers: Prime- a show which genuinely surprised me with how good it is, as opposed to this, which surprised me with how boring it's gotten. How sad.

Anyway, if I don't post this week, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Hannukah, Happy Life Day, and, to all my Mando'a vode, K'oyaci! God bless us, every one.

The Clone Wars Review: Sphere of Influence

Su cuy'gar, everyone, and welcome to another Star Wars: The Clone Wars review.

I'll be honest, I'm late on this one for two reasons- One, it's been a busy week, two, I don't like this episode. I've honestly been trying to avoid reviewing this one because... really, it's kind of boring. This is one of those "Senate episodes" I tend to avoid if watching a season retroactively. But look at the bright side... Greedo's in it! In any case, this review won't write itself, let's dive right in.

Echo base, this is Rogue Two. I found SPOILERS!

Apparently Dooku's strategy for dominating the galaxy is "If at first you don't succeed, try it again next Friday night at 9 on Cartoon Network", 'cuz we once again, like last week with Ryloth, have a Separatist blockade around a planet. This time it's Pantora, the Hoth clone planet back in Season 1. Of course, we never go there, this IS a senate episode, after all. Can't have any ACTION or anything. Since the chairman died back in Season 1, a new one has been elected. His name? Baron N. Papanoida, but I like to call him George Bluecas, as, in the movies, the Baron was played by the famed creator of Star Wars. Of course, George does not voice the character (Since his voice can never break out of "Old man remeniscing about Star Wars" mode), but his voice actor does a fine job not sounding like Lucas. Good thing? Probably.

Anyway, skipping past the boring diplomacy stuff, Chairman George Bluecas' daughters are kidnapped. Ahsoka informs Padme and Anakin. Anakin says it's a job for the local athorities, but Padme says that perhaps the police can't do this on their own if the Seppies are involved. Anakin decides to send Ahsoka instead of, oh, I don't know, calling the CORUSCANT GUARD who's supposed to HANDLE STUFF LIKE THIS? Remember Commander Fox? Huh? The red clone troopers? Senate security troopers? Any of this a-ringin' a bell? Nope, because senate episodes can't have any action, these guys are completely sidelined in favor of one Togruta padawan who hasn't even gotten down mind tricks yet.

Ugh.

Now let me clarify that I don't hate Ahsoka. She's become a much more sympathetic character than the dumb "G!R1 P0W444HH" character she was back in the 2008 flick, and I know we haven't seen much of her in this season. But logically, the first people you should call for a SENATE kidnapping is the Coruscant Guard, also known as Senate Security Troopers. They kicked some serious ass back in the movie, so why not let them do their job? Ah well, PADAWAN DESPARATE FOR SPOTLIGHT COMING THROUGH.
So Ahsoka and Senator Chuchi (also from Season 1) are best friends now (Hi, when did that happen), and they head off to a Trade Federation ship to see if Bluecas' daughters are there (I find it disappointing that Ahsoka does not react to being called a servant girl again, considering she went bonkers about it in the film), while the Baron himself and his son (Who has a name but I swear they pulled Jake Sully from Avatar for his character model and chopped off the braid) decide to investigate closer to home. The police chief (who looks like the scientist from that one Bugs Bunny cartoon and whose voice reminds me more than a bit of Mel Blanc) says there is no foul play after a very careful thorough search for evidence... that missed the out-of-place statue with blood on it that pretty much tells them who the kidnapper is.

Pretty sure the Coruscant Guard wouldn't have missed that. (And no, I am not letting that go.)

So they find out Greedo did it (And got hit on the head before he could shoot first) as Ahsoka and Chuchi land on the Trade Federation battleship and Chuchi makes some comments about Pantora joining the Seppies (Which is all bantha osik) as George Bluecas and Jake Sully go to Tatooine to find Greedo. (Also, note Embo's cameo.) Baron Bluecas decides to hit up some Twi'lek ladies to find Greedo. Cut back to the Trade Federation battleship where Ahsoka and Chuchi are SnooPING AS usual, and pull one too many of the overdramatic "Bad guy is about to spot where they are but at the last second the good guy is somewhere else" trick. Back on Tatooine, the Twi'lek George talked to has found Greedo, who is rolling some dice in what I can only assume is some kind of gambling game, and he decides to "settle things more permanently". Back on the ship (Man, this episode jumps plotlines more than a jumping bean on a jackrabbit on a pogo stick.), Ahsoka and Chuchi decide to hit up the detention block, and Ahsoka iffily attempts a mind trick on the guard and... surprisingly, it works. Back on Tatooine (URGH.) Greedo finds and threatens George Bluecas, saying to dispose of them outside. (On a side note, the effects they use for Rodian's eyes in this show is really cool.) However, turns out George is something of a badass, as he whips out a knife, holds it to Greedo's throat, and says that they're going to talk to Jabba about all this mess.

Cut to the ship (OH MY GOD) where Ahsoka and Chuchi are wandering around the detention block... and it turns out they're being watched. On Tatooine (SERIOUSLY PICK A PLOT LINE AND STICK WITH IT), where we're now talking to Jabba about this, and George Bluecas tells him of his plight, and how Greedo is the kidnapper. He admits to it, and decides to take them to one of the daughters, who is on Tatooine. Back on the ship (no comment) they finally find Chi Eekway very anticlimactically, and she says that they were separated (But we already knew that). Back on Tatooine, Greedo, Jake Sully and George Bluecas walk into a cantina (And no, that's not the start of a bad joke) where Greedo, threatened at gunpoint by Jake, and the chairman's daughter is released- only to start a gunfight by calling him "Father", and revealing their identities. Gunfight happens, George is a badass again, yadda yadda yadda. Moving on. Back on the ship, the kidnapping Nemoidian tries to stop Ahsoka with six SBD's, only to chop them up, making the total times a lightsaber was swung in this episode a grand total of... eight. That and one fifteen-second gunfight is the extent of the action in this episode. So we go to the Senate, the blockade is lifted, more boring diplomacy, blah blah blah roll the credits. I stopped caring about halfway through.

So. How does it stack up?

Granted, I would watch it over, say, a Padme-centric episode (I really hate those) and the fact that Greedo was in it was pretty great. But other than that this episode was just... BORING. And a number of things just made no sense.

CORUSCANT.

GUARD.

That's WHY THEY ARE THERE.

So I can't recommend this episode, really, unless you're a Greedo, Ahsoka or Pantoran fan. Or if you've ever wanted to see Jake Sully and blue George Lucas shoot up some bad guys in a cantina. Now, I might be taking it hard on this episode after, say, ARC Troopers, but really, I expected more from an episode with Greedo in it. (Specifically, a Han Shot First joke.)

Anyways, turns out the next episode takes place on Mandalore. Let's hope and pray some Death Watch hero shoots Satine between the eyes so some sense and justice can be brought to Mandalore once again.

Until next time, k'oyaci!